Mr Robert Wardle
Director, Serious Fraud office

Dear Mr Wardle,

I am writing to you in the hope that you could provide me with some professional advice and general guidance with regards to UK law. I recognise that this is an unusual request but I assure that I can definitely make it worth your while.

I am currently considering participation in number of off-shore business ventures, which might be considered by some, to be less than ethical. The business opportunities in question are all import/export related and range from supplying contraband goods and arms to the supply of child slaves to the global markets. Clearly I have no intention of breaking UK law, but in light of BAE’s narrow escape from your Al-Yamamah corruption investigations, I’d like to ensure that I am better prepared, legally, should I ever be personally implicated in a similar scenario. Be prepared – that’s what my Granddad always told me!

Can you give me any indication whatsoever as to how much cash I would have to donate to the Labour Party or just how big a contract I’d have to generate for the National Balance of payments to get one of your investigations shut down should someone squeal to the law?

I appreciate that there are a number of variables and that you would need to consider “the wider public interest”. However, I am struggling to understand what qualifies as public interest given that, in the BAE case, you have stated that “No weight has been given to commercial interests or to the national economic interest.” yet MI6 have said that they do not concur with the government suggestion that Saudi Arabia would stop providing intelligence information should your enquiry continue, which means that national security was never threatened.

If BAE can bribe Saudi government officials but get away with it, does this mean that I should only bribe governments who supply intelligence related to the war on terror, or does it mean that I should focus my dollars on those governments who are prepared to buy massive quantities of UK arms? I am finding it all so confusing but your professional opinion would assist me greatly in making these pressing investment decisions.

Of course, should be able to aid me, you would not find me ungrateful and there would be a healthy percentage for you should any of these proposed ventures prove successful. Similarly, there is always a place for learned legal council like yourself in the commercial sector where knowledge of the inner workings of government and the SFO is always a valuable commodity!

I look forward to doing business with you.

Yours sincerely


AJ Bladderwait